2018-08 / your dog
I woke up without the memory of falling asleep. For ten minutes I laid there, fighting the urge to return to the comfort of not being awake, but the dread of the coming day eventually forced me out of bed.
I went through the motions of getting ready for school for a while before finding myself at the bus stop. It was only November, but it seemed as though we were getting the brunt of winter in advance, which I could only hope promised early release. I didn’t really like the cold, but if enduring it now meant that I wouldn’t have to later, I might as well endure.
There was one other person that waited at my bus stop, a boy, but I’d never spoken to him, nor him me. It wasn’t really my job, was it? Boys are supposed to do that kind of stuff. I wiped my nose with my sleeve and pretended I wasn’t looking at him anyway.
I liked being on the bus, though. It might have been my favorite part of the day, now that I think about it. Being able to move without doing anything, just watching the world go by. I rested my head on the cold window. I wondered how long I could ride the bus for before wanting to get off. I decided it probably depended on the number of people riding—that is, if it was just me, I could probably go forever. I took my math book out of my backpack and began working on my homework.
What I disliked about the bus was how early it dropped me off. I arrived at school with fifteen minutes before class started, leaving me little time to do anything but wait. I dragged my feet getting my English things out of my locker before situating myself in a sitting stance against the wall outside the classroom. I’d look at pictures on my phone until I was allowed in. It was usually just me and a boy named Jayden that waited outside of the classroom, though sometimes groups of friends would show up a little early due to the teacher being a little late. Jayden always stood up instead of sitting like me.
“Did you read?”
I looked up from my phone.
“We were supposed to read 12 through 18 right? I didn’t read.” he continued.
“I don’t think anybody read,” I said. He laughed.
“You’re probably right. She’ll probably just have us read in class again. I don’t know why she bothers making it homework in the first place… nobody’s going to do it.”
“She has to try, though.”
“I guess…”
The conversation trailed off. I looked back at my phone. My favorites to look at were dogs, not that I was particularly picky. I wondered what percentage of dogs in the world I’d seen from my spot here. It had to be high, unless I was grossly underestimating the amount of dogs that exist. Which is very possible. I had no idea how many dogs there were in the world. I looked up from my phone again.
“Do you know how many dogs there are?”
It took him a second to register the question. “Uh,” he chuckled. “Like, how many breeds? What do you mean?”
“On Earth.”
“Oh. I couldn’t tell you.”
“Bummer.”
He smiled. “Hey. Are you going to the party tonight?”
I looked at him. What a loaded question. “Which one.”
“Jacob’s. Is there another one tonight?”
“I don’t know. Jacob Stakes?”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t really like him.”
He thought that was funny. “He’s alright. You don’t have to like him to show up.”
I scrolled my phone. “I might.” I wouldn’t.
“Well it’s at seven. Hope I’ll see you there.” he flashed another smile.
I felt my face get hot. Maybe this was my favorite part of the day.
“Okay, since apparently nobody read except for Grace, we’ll be doing paired analysis today.” The desks began to shuffle immediately. “Oh no, no no, I know your tricks. I’m going to be assigning partners, and this is going to be a for quiz grade.” The collective regret was almost enough to make me feel upset at this turn of events, though in reality it had little bearing on me. Partner work was partner work. Same hell, different day. I was paired with Sophie Hemmings.
“Did you read?” she asked once she got her desk appropriately scooted.
“I did not.”
“Me neither,” she confided. Sophie was the type of girl that got along with everyone. Though I couldn’t say I was any different in that regard, as I didn’t actively not get along with anyone. In the end, though, I could tell that we were different people. She got out her book. For some reason, I didn’t like her, which I knew wasn’t fair. There was nothing wrong with her—she was a nice person and only ever showed me kindness, but I couldn’t help it. It didn’t seem like it was entirely up to me for whatever reason.
“Do you want to split it up and copy each other’s half?”
“Sure.”
“Okay, I’ll do the first four.”
“Okay.” I opened my book and started reading. I didn’t get to turn the page before she spoke to me again:
“I like your necklace.”
I looked up from my book. “Thank you.”
“Where’d you get it?”
I looked down at my necklace, really just a shark tooth on a thread. I’d strung some beads on it to make it look less bare. I started fidgeting with it. “Um, an aquarium. We went for my birthday one year. Me and my family.”
“Lucky! My family never did stuff like that.”
I looked at her. “Really?”
“Yeah, I mean I’ve been to one, on a field trip.”
“Oh.”
“The sharks were my favorite. I think they’re cute.”
“You think sharks are cute?”
“Oh my God, yes! Are you kidding? They’re adorable!”
“Have you seen Jaws?” I asked.
“No… I feel like that’s just anti-shark propaganda, though.”
I let out a small laugh, and she continued.
“It is!! You know you’re more likely to die from taking a selfie than from a shark attack?”
“I think phones are more widely available than sharks.” I said.
“Have you seen Jaws?” She changed the topic.
“…no.”
“Hm. Well it seems like we don’t have the full story.”
“It would appear so.”
“I guess we’ll have to watch it sometime.”
“We have to finish reading first.”
She made a face at me and picked her book back up. The small interaction made me further question why I thought I didn’t like her. It was making it hard to read.
Taking the bus back home was cathartic. It had to be my favorite part of the day. There was no ultimate destination to dread, I could just keep riding past my stop if I wanted. Just knowing I could was enough. For some reason, I looked forward to going home, though there was less to do there than there was at school. Sometimes it felt like most of my time was spent occupying itself, that is, just being alive. Wasting time. What else was I supposed to do with it?
I thought about the party on the walk home. I knew where Jacob Stakes lived. It wasn’t far. We had been childhood friends, and we had often stayed in each other’s homes for what must have been weeks at a time. But as we got older, I got possessive when he began having more than just me as his friend, and it ended up being this way, where we became sort of alienated from each other. He made new friends pretty easily, but I never did. I probably hadn’t talked with him for more than a few seconds since 6th grade. So that’s why I didn’t like him.
I probably wouldn’t go.
I got home and open a bowl of soup. Mom would probably be gone until the weekend, so I was alone. Soup time may have been my favorite part of the day. I poured it in a bowl and stuck it in the microwave and watched it until it was ready. I gingerly brought it to the couch, where I watched TV until the sun was setting and I couldn’t stand to watch it anymore.
I was bored. I thought about going to bed early. Would that make getting up harder or easier? The details of Biology class were settled somewhere deep below the soup in my belly, out of reach. I laid there for an indeterminable amount of time.
…
…
“…fine.”
I got up and found something to wear that did not smell of soup. Would it be better if I didn’t? Soup smells nice. I bet people would like it if I smelled like soup. I changed clothes and put on my shoes. I looked at the time on the microwave. 7:15. I wouldn’t be early.